death

Lessons from a Murder-Suicide

On Friday afternoon, I was doing some paperwork, which I really don’t like to do, so I turned on the TV as a way to distract myself while I did it. As I did, there was breaking news, an Amber Alert (aka child abduction). Usually, those just kind of blow by me, but this time — I actually knew the guy! 
I knew him because a friend of mine had been dating him for several months. Ella told me about Mourad — he was an engineer, who’d been working for a long time at Hewlett Packard, a single dad of a 2 year old daughter, whom he adored. He liked to windsurf and kayak. He was divorced from an attorney who was constantly trying to get more from him. At this point, she was trying to get more than the 80% custody she already had of their daughter. 
In California, custody decisions are usually made in the best interest of the child. The presumption is that it is good for the child to have both parents in her life, unless one of them is an addict, a criminal or an abuser. Mourad didn’t appear to be any of those. In fact, Ella said, he was a kind, loving, patient father. And Ella would know — she was not only a mother herself, but also a teacher, so she’d seen lots of parents interacting with their kids. 
Anyway, Ella wanted me to meet Mourad, and so in May, my husband and I had a long, leisurely dinner with him and Ella at an Indian restaurant.  Apparently the restaurant’s management knew and liked him — they brought us some of his favorite dish on the house. 
He was good company, engaging without dominating the conversation. Although he’d been born in Egypt, his parents, both psychologists, moved here when he was 2 to escape religious persecution, as they were Copts,  i.e. Christians, in an Arabic country. He grew up speaking only English, and decided as an adult to learn Arabic, out of curiosity. He’d been to Egypt in his 30’s to visit family, and while there, tried to get Egyptian citizenship. He was refused, and was pretty sure it was because he was Christian. 
His eyes absolutely lit up when he spoke of his daughter, whom he called ‘the light of my life’. 
As time went on, I heard a bit more. His custody battle got worse. He’d spent a LOT of money on an attorney who he felt had done very little for him, so his brother, also an attorney, advised him to represent himself, which he was doing. 
About a month ago, Ella backed off from dating him, saying that he’d become obsessed with the custody battle, which he felt was rigged against him. They remained friends, though, and were still in touch with each other. 
All day Saturday, as my husband and I were helping his daughter move to new digs for her senior year in college, we saw the Amber Alert signs on the freeway. On Sunday morning, as we drove up to Sacramento to take care of some business, we noticed that the signs were down. And then we heard the news: the bodies of Mourad and his daughter had been found
Ella was devastated, and oddly, so was I. Ella wondered, would it have changed anything had she stayed in a closer relationship to him? Could she have changed it? I did my best to comfort her — but murders and suicides don’t feel like deaths from disease or even accident. And even I was wondering, how did I miss this?
I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days now, and here’s what I’ve learned:
  • Desperate people do desperate things – Cornered animals will attack; a trapped one will chew off its own leg to get free (one man sawed off his own arm). 
  • You never know whom you are going to effect – I barely knew Mourad, and yet I am deeply affected by his apparent choice (police have not yet given a cause of death). There are probably many more like me. Further, I’m writing about it, so it affects you. And that’s true of all of us all the time. You don’t know how your actions will affect others, or even who those others are. (For the story through Mourad’s father’s eyes, and how it may affect even more people, click here.)
  • You can’t change someone else’s agreements – When Ella asked me to look at the deaths psychically, I saw that 
    • the father and daughter were fine on the ‘other side’,
    • it really wasn’t hard on the girl, who hadn’t been here very long, anyway,
    • they had an agreement to teach a lesson to the mother, who was manipulative and a bully. The lesson: you can’t have everything your way,
    • When all three eventually reunite on the other side, they’ll shake hands, and the mother will be grateful for the sacrifice they made to teach her that lesson. 
  • You never know what tomorrow will hold – People can leave the earth plane very suddenly and unexpectedly, so clear up all misunderstandings and disagreements as quickly as you can. Tell people you love them as often as you think of it.
  • You can’t ‘see’ what you’re not asked to ‘see’– When I met Mourad, I met him as a human being. I listened to my friend talk about him, as friends do. I was never asked to look at anything psychically for him or about him, and so I didn’t. To do so without being asked, and without it affecting my life, would not have been clairvoyance, it would have been clairvoyeurism. Now I understand all the neighbors who say, after a tragedy, “He was such a nice guy — how could this have happened?”
Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Why I Do What I Do OR A Letter Every Healer Should Read

Bill Keller was a famous programmer, and a grad student at Princeton. (I guess that’s why the story caught my eye, the Princeton Engineering connection.) He committed suicide earlier this week, due to the lingering effects of childhood sexual abuse.

He left a suicide note that affected me deeply. I never met Bill Keller, though I wish I had. I don’t know if I could have helped him, but I wish I’d at least had the opportunity. If I have ever, or will ever, stop this needless pain, needless death, even once in my life, then that alone would justify my existence.

Keller writes very clearly and articulately about his predicament — and why he never chose to talk to anyone about it. It is a pretty good indictment of the medical establishment, as well as fundamentalist Christianity. Every healer should read this note, because this is what your clients are probably not saying to you. It is a clear window into a very troubled soul, and it is good to see the world through your client’s eyes.

Warning for non-healers: It is very disturbing, not for the faint of heart.

http://documents.from.bz/note.txt

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Meeting Jessica’s Mom

There is a moral to this story, but I don’t want to give it away, so please read all the way to the bottom.

If you’ve ever been out with me, you know that I’ll pet anything on four paws that will let me. I look to see if they’re friendly, and if they are, I get into rapport with them. Part of getting into rapport is getting down on their level and letting them smell my breath by almost touching my nose with theirs.

Yesterday, I was on my usual walk, when I came upon a woman walking 2 small white dogs. They were both friendly, wagging their tails as they approached me excitedly. As I got down on their level, both came even closer. I reached to pet both of them, and then let them smell my nose. The Jack Russell terrier began to bark and growl, so I rocketed back up to standing position.

Their human apologized, saying that Woody had been a bit aggressive since, well, “I lost my daughter recently.”

“I’m so sorry,”  I answered.

Then, before I could say anything else, she said, “Jessica died in the explosion”, that is, the PG&E gas line explosion in San Bruno about a month ago. And then it hit me…

Woody didn’t know what happened — Jessica died suddenly, outside Woody’s presence — and he was a little freaked out. These were partly Jessica’s dogs — she walked them often and was home with them during the day when mom was at work. So now Woody is alone during the day, and he’s wondering, what happened to Jessica? Why isn’t she here? and perhaps feeling a bit abandoned.

I told Jessica’s mom that she needed to explain to Woody what had happened. She could do this by sitting quietly with him (even waiting till he was asleep if necessary) and telling him, or telepathically showing him pictures of Jessica going into the light.

So the moral of the story is this: you never know when — or how — you’ll be of service.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

4 Ways to Deal with Death and other Losses

My sweet Creature, my faithful companion of more than 18 years, aka ‘the reading kitty’, left her body a week ago. She loved nothing more than literally being on me, sitting in my lap while I did client sessions (An animal communicator once told me that Creature thought she was getting a healing each time.) She was fine till two days before she checked out (the vet gave her an AOK about 3 weeks previously), then suddenly had a hard time walking and finally didn’t want water. I knew the end was near, and she breathed her last while in my arm, immediately after a reading. [If you’re reading this on Facebook, many thanks for your thoughts, stories and prayers. I’m not rehashing old ground, rather, I’m sharing what I’ve learned from the experience.]

The experience got me thinking about the human experience of loss, what makes it so difficult and how to make it easier. I see four issues/remedies. The first two are for just about any loss of a person/relationship — a romantic or marriage breakup,  a child going off to college, going into the military or just moving out, the ending of a friendship due to betrayal, and of course, your garden variety ‘death’, that is, one of sickness or old age, or even accident. [Murders feel very different — trust me, one of my friends was murdered a while back.] The second two really relate only to ‘death’. 
Issue 1 – Cords:  When you have an intense and/or long-term relationship with someone, your energy bodies (that is, the electromagnetic fields we all have) create electromagnetic connections with each other. These are  called ‘cords’ because they literally look like cords of energy between the two of you. This is why we say things like “my heart goes out to you” — we have created an energy cord between our hearts. When one of you drops your physical body, or ends the relationship abruptly (even if it’s planned), the cords, and their connections to your energy body are abruptly torn, leaving holes in your energy field. This is generally interpreted as emotional pain, though in truth, it’s quasi-physical (one of the layers of the electromagentic body is emotional). This will usually heal in time, because bodies do know how to heal themselves. You can also intentionally heal the holes through visualization (call me at 888-4-hollis if you want help).
Issue 2 – Triggers: When you see your pet’s favorite chair — now empty, or hear ‘our song’, or catch the waft of a familiar cologne on the breeze, or taste Grandma’s madeleine,  it can trigger a strong memory of the relationship you used to have. What you do with that memory, how you compare it to what exists in the present, and how often you access that comparison affects your experience of the loss. If you only compare what was (which you liked) to what is — and label that change ‘missing’, you are probably going to be miserable. One really simple solution to this: if you are constantly experiencing the comparison, and finding it unpleasant, just ‘Be here now” — focus your attention in the present.

Since memories are carried holographically in our energy field, you can change them. What you do is  change yourself, your energy field, to match what is, not what was.  (Again, call me at 888-4-hollis if you want help, because there are specific NLP ways to deal with triggers).

Issue 3 – Beliefs: Many people have the mistaken notion that mourning, feeling bad, somehow honors the dead. Nothing could be further from the truth. Why would someone you love want you to suffer? This is the experience of one of my clients, who is also a medium. He says he’s had multiple encounters with those on the other side, who say, ‘please tell my loved on to move on — I want him/her to be happy.’

If you truly believe your loved one is in a better place,  then you should be happy for him/her — and the only person you are feeling bad for is you. And you can change that — see (1) and (2) above.

Issue 4 – Transcommunication:  Which brings us to communication with the other side. Yesterday, I ‘got’ that Creature wanted to show me how much she loved me, and I could feel her little paws on my thighs as I sat. Now that I know she’s fine, I’m fine. So do your best to communicate across the veil, and if you need help to do it, get help.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Death & Halloween

The current merry celebration of Halloween — the costumes, the candy, the decorations with simulated ghosts and skulls — belies a deeper truth. I’ll get to that in a minute, after a brief detour. 

What we call ‘death’ is simply the release of the eternal soul from the physical body. That is, the soul doesn’t die, it just continues on without a physical instrument. If you aren’t yet convinced, then go here, read some of the info (there’s a lot!), and follow some or all of the links. Another great source is here. A great, easy to read book is Twenty Cases Suggestive of Reincarnation, by Ian Stevenson, M.D (Stevenson found over 2500, but only 20 are chronicled). After you look at all that info, it’s pretty hard to deny the reality of an eternal soul.

That soul, without a body, may or may not be able to perceive things in physical reality — we don’t really know, and it may vary from soul to soul. The lack of a body also makes it really hard to communicate with most humans, because the emodied humans aren’t capable of non-physical perception. So you can think of the ‘death’ of a loved one as a change of state. You miss that person more because of a lack of communication skills on your part than anything else. 

Back a little more than a century ago, if someone moved from the ‘old country’ to the US, or from the Eastern seabord to the frontier, that person might never see his family again. If that person or his family were quite poor, he might never speak to them again, either. So today, communicating across ‘the veil’, is not so different from communicating across the Atlantic back then. In fact, we can use technology to communicate with those on the ‘other side

What does his have to do with Halloween? According to Wikipedia, the word, Halloween (or Hallowe’en), comes from All-Hallows-Even (“evening”), that is, the night before All Hallows Day. 

Further, Halloween is 

“linked to the Celtic festival of Samhain, whose original spelling was Samuin (pronounced sow-an or sow-in)”.The name is derived from Old Irish and means roughly “summer’s end”…   The festival of Samhain celebrates the end of the “lighter half” of the year and beginning of the “darker half”, and is sometimes regarded as the “Celtic New Year”.
The ancient Celts believed that the border between this world and the Otherworld became thin on Samhain, allowing spirits (both harmless and harmful) to pass through. The family’s ancestors were honored and invited home while harmful spirits were warded off. It is believed that the need to ward off harmful spirits led to the wearing of costumes and masks. Their purpose was to disguise oneself as a harmful spirit and thus avoid harm. In Scotland the spirits were impersonated by young men dressed in white with masked, veiled or blackened faces. 
“Another common practice was divination, which often involved the use of food and drink.

So if you’re going to try to contact a loved one who is ‘on the other side’, this weekend would be the time to do it! 

(And if you’re really missing a loved one, I can help you with that. I’m not a medium, but I can help you with the ‘missing’ part, the longing. Give me a call at 888-4-hollis, which is 888-446-5547.)

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.