What I learned from spring fever

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I don’t know about you, but there is always a week in spring where I just don’t want to do anything, except sit around and enjoy the weather. I want to be out in it to enjoy it, and the rest of the time, I mostly want to sleep. Perhaps read a bit, but mostly just drift in and out of waking consciousness… into meditation… into sleep… back to meditation…. You get the picture.

This is that week. It’s amazing I’m even managing to write this email.

Anyway, today I was lying about in the middle of the afternoon, feeling guilty. Why was I feeling guilty? I mean, there wasn’t anything I had to do that wasn’t getting done. Yes, of course, there’s always more I could do when I’m not with clients, between promotion and bookkeeping, but no one was going to be hurt if I didn’t do it then. So what was that guilt?

I think guilt happens when a part of you accepts someone else’s rules as your own. You know, all those “shoulds”, “oughts” and “musts”. As in, “you should be working”, which is definitely family programming for me. Obviously if all of you bought into the rule, you’d be working, instead of feeling guilty! So part of you is buying in and part of you isn’t. The part of you that isn’t buying in is obviously stronger at that point. And the positive intention of the guilt is to remind you of the rule, or maybe to tie you to the person who gave you the rule. Although in general I agree with the “you should be working” rule, I don’t agree that it has to be in force 24/7, and especially not on a perfect afternoon in May, not when I work for myself. And though the rule is my Dad’s and I do like that it connects me to him, hey, not today!

So the next time you feel guilty, ask yourself these questions:

  • What am I feeling guilty about?
  • What am I doing or not doing that is triggering the guilt?
  • What’s the rule I’m violating? Try to formulate it with a “should”, “must” or “ought”.
  • Whose rule is that, anyway?
  • Do I agree with the rule, or am I just using it to stay connected in some way to that person?
  • Even if I agree with the rule, does the rule apply now?
  • If the answer to either of the last 2 questions is no, then let go of the guilt and enjoy what you’re choosing instead!


PS – I went back to sleep for another hour, guilt-free! 🙂

How does healing happen?

When I was learning hypnotherapy, one of the things we learned to do was to help people stop smoking using hypnosis. I watched with both my external eyes and my clairvoyance as the teacher did the procedure (I actually do it differently today). What I saw was a revelation:As the teacher hypnotized the student, both of their energy fields grew large and sort of diaphanous — until they merged into one large field. Then certain words were spoken and other things happened, and eventually, as the session concluded, their fields shrunk down again into their individual ones. The field of  the ‘client’ (actually a fellow student) shrunk into a slightly different form than the one with which she’d started the session. My guides tell me that part of her change came from her field directly modeling the more healthy field with which it had been merged.So healing comes, at least in part, from a group field. And the less healthy parts of the field, model and take energy from, the healthier parts.

Why do I bring this up? Because last week, I was part of an intervention for an alcoholic. The alcoholic did make a shift, and I’m pretty sure it was, at least in part, from the field effect.

It also had a profound effect on me. I’ll tell you about it — but I don’t want to do it in writing, so you’ll have to listen to my radio show, “Your Life, Your Relationships” on 8/29/12 (or the podcast) to hear that part.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

The Sins of the Father (& Mother) Really ARE Visited on the Children

Last night, I got a call from an old friend, “Terence”, who needed some help for his 16 year old daughter. “Stephani”, and said he ‘just knew’ that I was the person to call. He knew this so strongly that he called a mutual friend to get my phone number, since he’d lost mine a while back.

He told me that his daughter says she is dealing with a demon, a man’s voice that tells her to do things like cut herself, and maybe even kill herself. When he said his daughter’s name, I realized that I knew exactly where it came from — and it was only partly psychic. (I’ve seen these things psychically for others — what’s new for me is the evidence, as you’ll see.)

I’ve known Terence for 20 years. He’s an architect, and a really good guy — smart, sensitive, responsible, athletic, spiritual and a great dad to 4 kids, of whom Stephani is the youngest. We were part of a spiritual group for about 10 of those years. The group met weekly to do yoga and meditation, as well as interactive exercises designed to help us develop our manifestation powers, our emotional health and psychic abilities. We had coffee on Saturday mornings, and partied together occasionally (birthdays, Christmas, etc.). We had monthly evening program of spiritual teachers and an annual retreat, as well. There was definitely a group resonance, so that we knew each other at a very deep level, even if we weren’t deeply involved with the details of each others’ day to day lives.

About 16 years ago, on the Sunday of Labor Day Weekend, I was on my way home when someone cut me off on a small side street. I was pissed, but when I looked closely — it was Terence! He apologized through our open car windows, saying he was having a rough time and I invited him back to my place for coffee.  I noticed his hand was bandaged.

Though he was married, with 2 kids at home, he said he was taking the day for himself, and we decided to hike through the hills to the Sausalito Art Festival. We had a great time, taking in the art, and dancing to Jefferson Starship live. Then we walked back to my house.

At that point, he said he needed to soak and rebandage his hand, so I got him a pan of water. We sat and talked some more, and he opened up about how this injury had been inflicted by his wife. As we talked, he decided to name his soon-to-be-born baby girl Stephani, after a late friend, Roger Stephens.

Eventually, he steeled himself for the trip home and left.

Over the next couple of months, I heard stories from a mutual friend about how his wife, a beautiful woman who apparently lived on vitamins and supplements (there was no food in the refrigerator, just supplements), would verbally and physically abuse him. She even hit him and then herself once — and then called the cops. He spent the night in jail, but all charges were dropped.

After Stephani was born, the wife checked in to a psychiatric hospital. Terence and his wife divorced, and Terence raised their 3 kids as a single dad.

Eventually, I married and moved 45 minutes away, and the group evolved so the old gang wasn’t part of it any more. We did meet monthly for meditations, though, and occasionally for speakers. So while I did see Terence, it was a quick ‘hi’ and a hug, maybe a chat about the speaker, nothing personal. Until last night.

Seeming change of subject: About a week ago, in a meditation, I asked ‘the folks’ to help me remove some patterns that didn’t seem to be mine. As I watched, all these images from the 1950s seemed to fly off me — print ads, TV commercials, photos of what would have been fashion forward design at the time. I realized that this is what was around my mother when she was pregnant with me, and then got her emotions around raising this child to be, her first.

There is also evidence that a fetus can hear and remember voices and music that were around during its gestation after it is born.

So when Terence wanted to know how to help his daughter, I knew immediately that he had to explain to her what was going on while she was in utero, and that that would immediately decrease the severity of what was going on, and improve her ability to deal with it.

How much of what we think makes us crazy has a real cause that no one is telling us about — even though they could? 

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

The Flu, or, Why I Blog

My husband came down with some sort of bug on Saturday, and I came down with it on Sunday. It’s not too bad; I can still work some, which is a good thing, because my Wednesday radio show is coming, whether I like it or not. But my mood is as gray as the skies have been here in northern California, and all I want to do is sleep. It’s hard to find anything uplifting to write.Desperate for a monologue for the show, I had the urge to look through earlier blog posts lableled “flu”. Here’s what turned up:

Denial Ain’t Just a River… which is all about the deeper meaning of illness
The Upside of Flu which is about what we can learn from a (minor) illness
And What Did YOU Do this Week? which is more wisdom from a minor illness, and learning to love what we create

It’s as if my higher self were talking to me across time.

This is why I blog! It’s so that I have access to my own wisdom, tagged and searchable by subject, when I need it the most. And I’d urge you to do the same. Who knows, maybe others will learn from it, as well!

Feeling powerless? Here’s what you can do!

Issues tend to show up in my clients in clusters — all of a sudden, a few will be in grief, or contemplating a major life change, or wanting to get over a heartbreak, for example. (I don’t know why this is. Maybe it’s just an astrological thing? One of my teachers said that when her clients all turned up with the same issue, it was always something she was going through, or had just gone through, but that doesn’t seem to be the case for me.)Lately, I’ve been having a run of people feeling powerless (names have been changed, as have the situations, though slightly, so as to protect the innocent):

  • Joe’s wife was raped. He knows he can’t really help her, except to be there for her, and so he feels angry, out of control, and powerless.
  • Jack, a supervisor, is about to have all his reports, who are contractors, changed out from under him, because his employer is changing temp agencies. While he’s not happy with most of the current bunch, the thought of having to train all new employees is daunting. No one asked him if this is a good idea, so he feels powerless and unheard.
  • Jane worked towards a hellish deadline for a month, and then got sick with a flu which became pneumonia. She feels like her body has betrayed her, and feels powerless against larger forces.
  • The company that employs Jenny is about to be sold. She wonders if she’ll have a job in another few months, through no fault of her own. This has happened to her before, so she feels powerless against the larger economic forces.

What can you do if you feel powerless? 

  • Recognize this as a reality check. Reality can sometimes be unpleasant, even downright ugly. That doesn’t make it your fault, so don’t beat yourself up about it. A rapist needs a victim, who knows why it was Joe’s wife? Companies change their vendors — and now Jack knows how important he isn’t. Jane had an opportunity to learn the limits of her body. Companies get sold — and unless you are the 1% (or probably the .1%), you are, in fact, powerless.
  • Recognize the power you DO have. Joe can comfort his wife in the aftermath of her trauma. Jack can teach his new workers, perhaps even to do a better job than the old ones. Jane can listen to her body and perhaps take better care of it. Jenny can polish up her resume, start networking, and in the longer term, work towards a specialty that is unique and will give her staying power.
  • Look for resonance to earlier events in your life, and resolve them, so that you’re only reacting to what’s going on now, and not also to the earlier ones. Joe was bullied when he was in junior high, and his wife’s ordeal brought that up for him. By resolving the remaining feelings about being bullied, he could be there more effectively for his wife, without letting his anger at the rapist be amplified by his anger at the bully.
  • Look for your lesson in this. There is a school of thought that says that your soul/ higher self  agreed to be in your situation for your own spiritual growth. If you learn your lesson, then the event creates meaning in your life. I think this is often, but not always, true. Accidents do happen.
  • Look for the deeper structure that makes you feel powerless. What is it in society that creates rapists, or allows them out on the street?What laws allow companies to act as they do, whether it’s changing vendors with no notice, or assigning impossible deadlines, or slashing jobs?
  • Band together to create change. Remember the old line, “You can’t fight City Hall”? You can — just not all by yourself. This is why unions were created. It’s originally why democracy was created. It’s why people raise money to research cures for diseases. It’s why the Occupy movement exists. With whom can you ally yourself to create the change you envision? And yes, be that change, wherever and whenever you can.
Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.