healing/health

WHY Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

My friend, Zoe, is a single mom, divorced for over 5 years now, who works in corporate HR. But for most of that time, she hasn’t really been single, she’s had a ‘boyfriend’ (that term seems so inappropriate for people in their 40s). She finally realized last summer that this was not a particularly good relationship for her, and so she ended it.

When I had dinner with her about a month ago, she was telling me all about her new, um, crush. Jeff was a very unconventional sort, living in an intentional community, working as an occasional carpenter. He’d sold a software business a while ago, so it seemed as though he might not even need to work. He rode a motorcycle, which was an aphrodisiac for her. The relationship was still in the stage of ‘will we or won’t we?’, both of them having a great time together, but neither willing to say what exactly was going on.

When Zoe won tickets to a rock concert in a radio station contest, it was the perfect excuse to ask him out on a real date. She had the time of her life!

Last Wednesday, right before my radio show, Zoe texted me, “Jeff just pulled the plug — pray for me”.

The metaphor was very apt. I’m sure Zoe felt like she’d been unplugged from an energy source. Why? Because when we have a relationship with someone, we grow energetic cords between our energy bodies. If you’ve ever felt drained after being with someone, and didn’t know why, here’s a possible¬† explanation. If you’ve ever felt drained after breaking up with someone, this is an explanation. And there are things you can do to manage your own energy.

You can visualize yourself being protected, or fed energy by loving beings, or even imagine cutting those energetic cords.

There are other explanations, too. Evolution has wired our brains for bonding. According to Rutgers University professor Helen Fisher, being in love lights up the same areas of our brain, parts of the dopamine reward system, that are lit up by various chemical addictions. Remove the beloved and your brain acts like that of an addict deprived of its substance of choice, especially cocaine and nicotine.

As reported in Psychology Today, “UCLA psychologist Naomi Eisenberger, who discovered that social rejection activates the same brain area-the anterior cingulate-that generates an adverse reaction to physical pain. Breakups likely stimulate pain to notify us how important social ties are to human survival and to warn us not to sever them lightly.

“Although Eisenberger didn’t study romantic rejection, she expects that it actually feels much worse than the social rejection she did document. “If you’re getting pain-related activity from someone you don’t care about, it would presumably be a lot more painful from someone you share memories with,” she points out.

“The intensity of the pain may be what compels some spurned lovers to stalk their ex-partners; they’re willing to do just about anything to make the hurt go away. Fisher believes that activation of addictive centers in response to breakups also fuels stalking behavior, explaining “why the beloved is so difficult to give up.”

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

How to Keep It Together So You Can Help

I don’t know about you, but I have been unbelievably sad about the tsunami and subsequent nuclear reactor melt-downs. At the same time, though, I know that my sadness, and even the fear that underlies that (What is going to happen to Mother Earth? Is this planet becoming uninhabitable — by humans? by anyone?) are not helping anyone or anything. There has to be a better way. There has to be something I can do.

So when I asked my guides for help getting me out of my undeniable funk, here is what they said — and it applies to all of us:

  • You are a soul. This soul is eternal and non-physical.
  • You volunteered to be here on Earth in a physical body at this most interesting time.
  • You volunteered for a number of reasons. Some of these are personal (working out karma, learning soul lessons, etc.) and some of these have to do with the planet. Although a few souls volunteered solely for the planet, no one came solely for personal reasons. This is not possible, as the destiny of an individual is intimately intertwined with the destiny of the species, and the destiny of a species is intimately intertwined with that of its planet. One of the benefits of these world-scale disasters is to wake up those who have been behaving as if they are here only for themselves.
  • It is your job to discern what your role is in relation to the species and the planet. Some people have jobs that have to do with leading people, or raising their spirits, or simply comforting them. Others have jobs that have to do with creating change, or even maintaining the status quo. Others’ roles are simply to bear witness, both here and on other planes of existence. Yet others are tasked with speaking the truth here on Earth.(I’m sure there are more roles, but these are what I am reminded of now.)
  • When you know what your job is, DO IT!
  • Do not despair, simply do your job, with your whole heart and the intention to create a better world. Think how your role might fit into the current situation, and apply yourself to that.
  • As you do this, you will feel divine energy flowing through you. Channel this energy where you sense it is most needed at that moment.

(Of course, give money. Of course, protest new nuclear power plants, which we are now reminded are unsafe. A very clear, completely sane Japanese friend, living in Japan, tells me she thinks the Japanese government is not telling the whole truth about what has happened.)

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Updated Prayer for the World

After Libya began to get bloody, my guides would no longer join in with me when I did my daily prayer. (I used to her them chime in.) With their help, I have adjusted the prayer so as to minimize the killing. Here is the new version:

“My the hearts and minds of those in power be turned to the good of the Earth and her children, or may they be removed from temporal power quickly and permanently.


“May the Earth and her children rise up in peace and claim their birthright, their divinity, the ability to co-create peace, justice, abundance and freedom for all (including the deposed).


“My only those who have chosen martyrdom be the ones to die or be maimed.”

I have to admit that there is a part of me that liked the old, simpler, somewhat stronger version better, but then again, I don’t like to see people die unnecessarily.

If you like the prayer, please use it.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Evidence for Homeopathy

The number of dis-eases for which homeopathy has been shown to work (studies published in peer-reviewed journals) is truly surprising, especially for Americans (homeopathy has been much more widely accepted in Europe than in the US).

Another Nobel prize winner, Brian Josephson, PH.D., professor emeritus at Cambridge University, described “how many scientists today suffer from “pathological disbelief;” that is, they maintain an unscientific attitude that is embodied by the statement “even if it were true I wouldn’t believe it.”

Dana Ullman: Luc Montagnier, Nobel Prize Winner, Takes Homeopathy Seriously

On a side note, it is sad that this groundbreaking research is being done in China, not the US.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Why are you doing this REALLY?

Sometimes there is a higher purpose behind what you do, and it’s important to always keep an eye on that. Here’s what I mean:Jini is a single mom of two, living in Marin County, north of San Francisco. She makes a bare bones living as a therapist, and on the side, she fixes houses to sell, which supplements her income. She does a house every few years — after all, it’s not her main work, and she has a teenager and a pre-teen to raise.

She sold a house about a year ago, made some money, moved herself and the kids into a comfortable 3 bedroom rental until she could find another fixer. That took about 6 months, and then it took a few months to negotiate the agreement (short sale, the bank dragged its feet) and close.

The house, originally a vacation cottage, is tiny (2 small bedrooms and 1 bath) and so old that it doesn’t have central heat, not to mention insulation. It’s also missing many of the comforts she’s used to, like closets, a dishwasher and two full baths.

She immediately knew what to do with this house — besides the obvious heat and insulation, it needed an addition to function well — a master bedroom with its own bath, which could sit over the newly enlarged kitchen/family room. She figured she could pay a contractor to do the major construction while she lived in the rental, then move in and do the interior finish and other renovations while living in the house, which, while unpleasant and inconvenient, would save paying rent and carrying costs on the house simultaneously, which she could ill afford.

She didn’t count on the fact that in the hills of Marin, your neighbors can stop an addition if they don’t like it. They may actually prefer something falling down (“character”) to something a little bigger and newer. And of course, this is what happened. ONE neighbor decided that, after asking Jini for all sort of (expensive) concessions on size and siting and materials, to which she reluctantly agreed, he still wasn’t satisfied. He filed an 11th hour complaint at the planning board, which torpedoed her approvals. Thus a drawn out fight at the planning board loomed ahead.

Even worse, she was going to have to move into the tiny house with the ‘evil’ (her word) neighbor. She envisioned this as literally moving into the lions’s den, with danger all around — constantly. She dreaded moving into this house. Her dread was so intense that she’d barely begun packing, despite the fact that she was scheduled to move in three days.

As we talked, I pointed out that she probably wouldn’t see her neighbor all that much. Even if they were going in and out of their houses at the same time, which probably wouldn’t happen very often, their driveways were situated so that they couldn’t actually see each other. And there was only the one ‘evil’ neighbor. Others were pretty cooperative.

As I ‘looked at’ the situation for Jini, I saw her having a big housewarming party — to which she could invite ALL the neighbors, as well as her friends and family. It looked to me like this would not only create community in her new location but also like this would eventually create some sort of healing both for her and the neighbor who’d objected to the addition. It looked like there were many spiritual lessons in the situation — for her, her kids and her neighbor.

Jini agreed with my assessment, and because she saw the spiritual purpose behind moving into the lions’ den, she began to see the possibilities. She could use the garage to store all the things that wouldn’t fit in the tiny house. She could use some rugs that wouldn’t fit on the floors as insulation by tacking them up on the insides of the exterior walls. She could buy some freestanding wardrobes to replace the missing closets. She could make friends with enough neighbors that eventually she’d find a way to the obstructionist neighbor’s heart.

And with renewed energy, she began packing.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.