healing/health

What Can You REALLY Change?

Last week, one of the callers to my radio show (listen to the podcast here or here) talked about dealing with a mother-in law (who is mentally ill), who, frankly, lies about what’s going on in her life, what people have said and done to her. The mother-in-law then requests certain treatment based on these falsehoods.That’s one of life’s icky situations, the kind for which there is no goodanswer. Maybe there are some less bad answers, but certainly no good ones. Thinking about it, there are really three options here, and we’ll take each of these in turn:

  1. Leave the situation
  2. Change the situation
  3. Change yourself

1) Leave the situation – Taking everything into consideration, is putting up with the situation worse than leaving? I don’t know the caller’s situation, but maybe she has a happy marriage, and her mother-in-law is the one fly in the ointment. Or maybe she has young children with her husband, and mostly, things are okay. In these cases, leaving makes no sense. (I’m guessing this is the worst thing going on in her life, because you don’t call a radio show about #10 on your list of problems.)

2) Change the situation – You can’t change someone else’s mental illness.So that’s out.

3) Change yourself – You are always in charge of your own actions and reactions. That’s the ticket! You can pinpoint specifically what makes the situation hard for you, or exactly what triggers your emotional reactions, and then work with that. There are a million ways to work with your own emotional landscape, from affirmations to keep you pointed in the right direction to hypnotic processes to reshape internal paths away from the quicksands of childhood imprints to anchors to keep you focused in present reality rather than getting sucked into the past.

You may know a few of these tools — you just have to remember to use them! And if you don’t have tools that work for you, call me at 888-4-hollis (888-446-5547)! I can help.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Gifts of Age

Older people display better ability to perceive others emotions and appear to be more empathetic:

PsycNET – Display Record

Okay, it’s not surprising, but it is nice to have some evidence.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Do you deserve this?

I’ve lately had several conversations with clients who had issues around deserving:

  • One, a compulsive eater, recognized that when she looks at a dessert tray, she says to herself, “I deserve this”. (What does deserving have to do with food in a society where you are not rationing?)
  • Another, having found an amazing deal on a vacation home — so good, in fact, that he only has to rent it a couple of months a year for it to pay for itself — wakes up in a cold sweat at night because he feels he doesn’t deserve it.
  • A third, on the brink of being able to save her home from foreclosure, after literally years of work, is not sure she deserves even that.

Think of ‘deserve’ as ‘de-serve’. According to Webster’s Dictionary, the Latin prefix, ‘de’, signifies “separation, cessation,… or contraction” of serving. This became the French, “de’, which has the connotation of ‘away from’, as in, away from service.  It does not serve you to think in these terms.

Deserving something implies that you are worthy of, or entitled to, it, which implies

  • you know what things are worth
  • life is fair
  • you know what’s fair, or maybe
  • you decide what’s fair. Who made you, and you alone, God?

Let’s take each of these in turn:

You know what things are worth –  Yes, a can opener is a dollar at the dollar store. But how do you know whether your being is worth a vacation home?

Life is fair – Nothing could be further from the truth. Life is not fair, at least not from the standpoint of only one lifetime. If it were, wouldn’t everyone have equal opportunities and gifts? Would murderers ever get off scott-free for their transgressions (think O.J. Simpson here, at the risk of offending people** )? We all know that’s not true.

You know what’s fair – Even if life were fair, given the complex web of life, how would you know what was fair? How would you know that the person who just screwed you over in a business deal didn’t do it to raise money for an uninsured child who needed a kidney transplant? Did you deserve to be screwed over then? Does the child deserve the transplant?

You decide what’s fair – Given that we are all in this together, in this complex web of life, how do you, and you alone, get to decide what is fair and then ‘make it so’? Do you have the omniscience to decide that? If you have that omniscience, doesn’t everyone else? Don’t they have the right to decide what is fair — for you?

Let go of the idea of deserving something, being worthy of something, and instead notice what you are choosing — and be grateful when what you choose manifests.

** I actually think the not-guilty verdict was right, not because Simpson wasn’t guilty, but because the LAPD did such a horrible job of making the case.

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Why I Do What I Do OR A Letter Every Healer Should Read

Bill Keller was a famous programmer, and a grad student at Princeton. (I guess that’s why the story caught my eye, the Princeton Engineering connection.) He committed suicide earlier this week, due to the lingering effects of childhood sexual abuse.

He left a suicide note that affected me deeply. I never met Bill Keller, though I wish I had. I don’t know if I could have helped him, but I wish I’d at least had the opportunity. If I have ever, or will ever, stop this needless pain, needless death, even once in my life, then that alone would justify my existence.

Keller writes very clearly and articulately about his predicament — and why he never chose to talk to anyone about it. It is a pretty good indictment of the medical establishment, as well as fundamentalist Christianity. Every healer should read this note, because this is what your clients are probably not saying to you. It is a clear window into a very troubled soul, and it is good to see the world through your client’s eyes.

Warning for non-healers: It is very disturbing, not for the faint of heart.

http://documents.from.bz/note.txt

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.

Dr. Douglas Fields: Rudeness Is a Neurotoxin

Some really interesting info here, including the facts that verbal abuse is more damaging to kids in the long run than physical abuse, and that peer verbal abuse is most damaging in the middle school years because that is when the corpus callosum, the bridge between the right and let brain hemispheres, develops.

Dr. Douglas Fields: Rudeness Is a Neurotoxin

Hollis Polk is a personal coach (www.888-4-hollis.com), who has been helping people create lives they love for 15 years, using neurolinguistic & hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance & the common sense learned in 20+ years of business. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, hypnotherapist & has a BSE in engineering from Princeton & a Harvard MBA. She is also a successful real estate broker, investor & business owner.